Wednesday, 10 July 2013

Consultation with Dr. Swerve

I scheduled an online consultation with the best in the biz.... for your reading pleasure!

Dr. Swerve:  bahahahahaha gross
 me:  you are welcome. I assume you will send that out on the company email to everyone
 Dr. Swerve:  hahaha sure CDC+all
 Dr. Swerve:  have you had a fever?
 me:  slightly. hard to tell though cause its warm and hot here. you know? Why?
 Dr. Swerve:  typhoid. can cause stomach pains, and a rose-colored rash. What are the signs and symptoms of typhoid fever?

Persons with typhoid fever usually have a sustained fever as high as 103° to 104° F (39° to 40° C). They may also feel weak, or have stomach pains, headache, or loss of appetite. In some cases, patients have a rash of flat, rose-colored spots. The only way to know for sure if an illness is typhoid fever is to have samples of stool or blood tested for the presence of Salmonella Typhi.
 me:  definitely not a fever that high. didnt i get a typhoid shot?
 Dr. Swerve:  did you?
 me:  can you?
 Dr. Swerve:  yes. it is good for two years
 me:  hmm. uh oh. Haha. i have had a headache. but thought it was weather. no way I have a 103 temp though
 Dr. Swerve:  i would go to the dr
 me:  and loss of appetite. but i have been eating
 Dr. Swerve:  each person's symptoms are different
 me:  f*** me. that would suck. how does it kill you?
 Dr. Swerve:  stool test - fun
 me:  ahh done those before
 Dr. Swerve:  slowly and painfully. but azithromycin will kill it in most cases
me:  is it not from the dehydration from the poops
 Dr. Swerve:  does not necessarily cause diarrhea
 me:  i thought that is what kills
 Dr. Swerve:  not always
 me:  then what kills you. the fever? something kills you. i would like to know what about the bacteria kills me. not like it leaks out grabs a knife and goes pyscho on me.
 Dr. Swerve:  complications from the fever
 me:  hahaha
 Dr. Swerve:  20% mortality rate
 me:  but im supermortal. whats the supermortality rate? 1%?
 Dr. Swerve:  ha
 me:  Typhoid Vaccine 0.5 cc IM (Administered) 12/6/2012 from emory. suck it
 Dr. Swerve:  awesome
 me:  should i take that Zpack?
 Dr. Swerve:  no
 me:  but that kills bacteria
 Dr. Swerve:  but you do not know that you have a bacterial infection
 me:  yea i do. it told me
 Dr. Swerve:  ha
me:  typhoid mary doesn't have a weird distant cousin right? the one with the limp and lazy eye? i might have that.

 Dr. Swerve:  hahahaha no i dont think so



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