Consultant Contest

Alright, last post was an off day. Apparently, not many people want to know my obsession with fresca or my desire to lay her down like the lady she is. So this one will be strictly consulting. I promise. Would I lie to you? Well you lied to me! You’re dead to me! No, really, I hate you all. Every speck. But all you other people. You are wonderful! We can love again. Have you heard of my non-profit? Another conversation another day Johnny…  So how about them consultants?

The unhealthy obsession with Kristen Bell will continue. The hottest actress playing a consultant on TV.... 

Some of you follow me on the twitter. Most don’t. I’m not that interesting to be honest. Twitter doesn’t have gifs. And if you think gifs are only of cats you are a moron that deserves every last $hitty thing that happens to you. And I hate you. Like cats hate you for never being there or bringing home weirdos that are losers. Yea… we have all been there. We know better, but we don’t really do anything about it. We are comfortable with our $hitty lives, and hey they are the perfect complement!  @Johnny_Consult. Follow me. Love me. I post funny things. Mostly retweets from more intelligent people. Alright back to the beginning. Consulting. My awesome life. I got friends… hey A-hole! Don’t look so f’n surprised. They are awesome and do weird things like Beta Breakers, actually can afford wine but choose not to be arrogant B’s about it, entertain the ideas of strippers with hearts of gold, and eating dog on the streets of Vietnam.

Okay, so my two friends don't look like this... but they have great personalities... 

Anyways, they are fellow consultants. Crowbar (name changed to protect… well actually I don’t know why, he doesn’t care)… you are a consultant. I know you work for a “hedge fund,” but you basically consult all the techies with your wondrous ways with words, Mothra references, and a Moroccan oiled beard.  Windy, I think I already mentioned in another post. Half Man Half Freak. But the lovable kind you take home to Mom until he declines saying “are you f’n kidding me? Who are you again? I haven’t had a cognizant thought in one month.” A super success guy. Therein lies the problem. We get bored. We consult, its awesome and dynamic. We basically eat pray love and dry hump throughout the nation, yet we always strive for more.

Absolutely not what Windy looks like. He doesn't own a bow tie.

Well I brought up twitter (and I guess FB too) because I made a great accomplishment last week. Within a meeting, I managed to sneak in a SNICK and Ghostbusters reference. The leader of the meeting, same level as me, was obviously very confused (you know the tall, handsome, never seen a TV show type cause they were locked in a basement for most their life being water boarded about mathematics. 

You might be a scientist, but if you don't know Ghostbusters... well quite frankly you are a prick.

That being said, one girl rolled her eyes (cause she knows how awesome and attentive I am) and my buddy tried to hide his laughter at the awkward situation. Well Windy called me out. He upped me. He had a rocky horror picture show reference in a meeting. Now that’s a strong beginning. Of course we have to start a contest. So I am calling all consultants (especially Windy and Crowbar). It’s on.

You consultant enough? Huh? I can't hear you. My shirt is too loud. 

We are going to have a running contest. Best reference in a meeting wins each week. Wins what you ask? I don’t know dammit. Maybe a shirt with a buzz word on it. Maybe we should share best practices (arrow pointing down). Maybe we will start a kickstarter campaign for funding. You like that? You little hipster? How about I know that dumb hat off your head, and joke you out with your Nepalese flower scarf. Crap, you like that. Ugh, just go away. Haha, anyways, we will have a prize! Comment on here, twitter me, facebook me. I don’t give a damn. Just get them to me. I know Windy and Crowbar are in… are you? Help me turn the consulting industry into the show Psych (personal dream of mine).

Obviously I am the one wearing the awesome shirt. $hit... they are all awesome. One LOVE!

One day.... this will help a consultant. Don't lie. Also, WHAT IS UP NYC! Miss you guys already. You gave me the right medicine. No longer itches. Kisses!