Warning: This is what this blog post is about. Consulting, buzz words, but most of all. Love.
Alright let’s talk consulting
stuff before I go down that awesome death spiral of my mind and end up in a
place inexplicitly weird, with no idea where I am, and possibly missing
clothes. Like the bushes outside my ATL condo, or the wrong elevator bank, or
down a mountain in the Himalayas. Damn, I love my life. Oh yea. Consulting. Hi.
So my firm made me move out to the West Coast, but you never know where your
client will be located. You want to be a team player, and you don’t have much
of a choice anyways. So you fly. Tons. That means when I come out to NYC, I
should be considered as a guy doing the heavy lifting (buzz word), cause they
are hurting my work life balance (buzz word) more than the localized weenie consultants.
So you fly. I don’t mind flying. I used to be scared out of my mind. Afraid of
dying, plane crashing, babies next to me, people who take up more than their
share of the aisle. Then I stopped being afraid. I became indifferent. Which is
probably something to talk about with a therapist, but you guys are my friends
right? Anyways, flying is just A-okay in my book. So I am planning another post
on flying. I figured out my true love on the flight yesterday. She’s everything
I have dreamed of. I’m so excited!
This is what I look like when I get excited. You know its true. And you love me for it. Now pull my hair.
Let’s be honest. Fresca is
amazing. It’s perfect. The Penelope Cruz of drinks. If Fresca was a lady. I
would have her, need her. I might even be a gentleman. Hold her hand at first.
Whisper sweet nothing in the fizziness that is her effervescent soul. Love at
first sight gentlemen, this is what is all about. I would try to take things slow, but to be
honest, mixed with a little vodka (maybe her cousin black cherry fresca) this
party could go from lounge session to something not seen since that weird time
back in the 60’s sexual revolution swingers hanging from the rafters. Like the
pony. God… just the athleticism. I’m not even turned on, I am just… impressed.
I think that girl can bench me. Dammit, off track again. Fresca is a lady and
must be treated as such. I would be shy, a smile, a giggle here. You know.
Gentleman $hit. Always treat her right. I will wait till right after her
Quinceanera to ask her padre for her hand in marriage…. Oh yea. That taste
nice.
So Fuego right now...
That being said. We already
got beef Fresca. Why no love me? If you really loved me you would change. I
need you, but I got other needs. Yea… you know what I’m talking about.
CAFFEINE. WHAT THE HELL WOMAN?
REDBULL VODKA!!!
You are perfect, yet you
have this glaring deficiency. Like if the woman you love that is perfect all of
a sudden turns out to be satan… or a dude. Whatever. Just inject yourself with
some caffeine Fresca. Then Coke can be out of my life forever. Not needed. It
can be just us. I am a consultant. The brain waves supplying all this value
added knowledge runs a supply chain of thoughts, and you are being the freaking
bottleneck! I’m sorry, I still love you. Are you down for a polyamorous soda
relationship? Those Fanta girls are bangin!
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