Consultation with Dr. Swerve

I scheduled an online consultation with the best in the biz.... for your reading pleasure!

me:  http://clintindia.blogspot.in/2013/07/ahh-india-is-trying-to-kill-me-selfies.html

Dr. Swerve:  bahahahahaha gross

 me:  you are welcome. I assume you will send that out on the company email to everyone

 Dr. Swerve:  hahaha sure CDC+all

 Dr. Swerve:  have you had a fever?

 me:  slightly. hard to tell though cause its warm and hot here. you know? Why?

 Dr. Swerve:  typhoid. can cause stomach pains, and a rose-colored rash. What are the signs and symptoms of typhoid fever?

Persons with typhoid fever usually have a sustained fever as high as 103° to 104° F (39° to 40° C). They may also feel weak, or have stomach pains, headache, or loss of appetite. In some cases, patients have a rash of flat, rose-colored spots. The only way to know for sure if an illness is typhoid fever is to have samples of stool or blood tested for the presence of Salmonella Typhi.

 me:  definitely not a fever that high. didnt i get a typhoid shot?

 Dr. Swerve:  did you?

 me:  can you?

 Dr. Swerve:  yes. it is good for two years

 me:  hmm. uh oh. Haha. i have had a headache. but thought it was weather. no way I have a 103 temp though

 Dr. Swerve:  i would go to the dr

 me:  and loss of appetite. but i have been eating

 Dr. Swerve:  each person's symptoms are different

 me:  f*** me. that would suck. how does it kill you?

 Dr. Swerve:  stool test - fun

 me:  ahh done those before

 Dr. Swerve:  slowly and painfully. but azithromycin will kill it in most cases

me:  is it not from the dehydration from the poops

 Dr. Swerve:  does not necessarily cause diarrhea

 me:  i thought that is what kills

 Dr. Swerve:  not always

 me:  then what kills you. the fever? something kills you. i would like to know what about the bacteria kills me. not like it leaks out grabs a knife and goes pyscho on me.

 Dr. Swerve:  complications from the fever

 me:  hahaha

 Dr. Swerve:  20% mortality rate

 me:  but im supermortal. whats the supermortality rate? 1%?

 Dr. Swerve:  ha

 me:  Typhoid Vaccine 0.5 cc IM (Administered) 12/6/2012 from emory. suck it

 Dr. Swerve:  awesome

 me:  should i take that Zpack?

 Dr. Swerve:  no

 me:  but that kills bacteria

 Dr. Swerve:  but you do not know that you have a bacterial infection

 me:  yea i do. it told me

 Dr. Swerve:  ha

me:  typhoid mary doesn't have a weird distant cousin right? the one with the limp and lazy eye? i might have that.

 Dr. Swerve:  hahahaha no i dont think so

Ahh! India is trying to Kill Me! + Selfies!

So apparently India is attempting to kill me. I don’t know if its bugs or a rash, but I’m betting rash. The question is… allergic to what? And if the allergy is something I touched in India. How can I avoid it?!? Everything is everywhere here! The bumps accumulated slowly at first, then boom, tons. The beast has taken over my right shoulder, right arm, part of my left shoulder, and a few spots on my hands, and I think I noticed one on my leg. Haha. Hopefully, this is just heat rash. My landlord told me to go obtain some medicine that reminds me of the nail polish we would put on chigger bites.  Just to be safe, I slept upside down in my bed (like in a black mass) to avoid (seriously thought that would help?) potential critters from feasting on the sweet sweet nectar that is my body.

Anyways, I am going to give it a day or two (or weekend) to see if this stuff heals. Until then, I am rocking out pink slime like a Ghostbuster (2^nd movie with the walking lady liberty… does she shave?). Taking a break to go to the bathroom with pink lotion and a book during work is interesting though. I am sure the imaginations off all in the office are off to the races. Pink Lotion + Business Historical Novel + long time in Bathroom = weird fetish about Leverage Buyouts. Hey! I  have to allow the pink sludge to dry! Don’t worry, I am still trucking along!  But hey, at least you get to witness my first selfie. Do bad this is self-deprecating haha. 

Look at the concentration in those eyes! 

Just the Tip of the Day: If it looks like something you shouldn’t touch… you should probably touch it. What’s the worst that could happen? Napoléon didn’t get anywhere by keeping his hand in his jacket… Oh Wait… SH&T… 

Looky Looky here comes pukey

I got several things I want to talk about today, but we will see. As the fates foretold of any traveler to a 3^rd world country. I am sick. Haha. I will get to that in a bit. First, I want to talk about the concept of the Indian lie. No matter what you are asking, you will get an affirmative answer. Directions, pricing, what can be done, etc. Then the moment you concede, you are ready to rumble, everything changes. Whether the suit was going to be 11,000 INR and then you get to the store and it is over 18,000 INR, whether you are being driven in circles by a cabbie as he stops to ask directions when he told you he knew the way, whether… actually doesn't matter, you will get put over a barrel. For those younger readers that do not know the last phrase, please do not google. Unless you ask your parents first. Then go for it.

Alright back to the main issue. I am on my traditional third world diet. I don’t care where I go, I usually get sick, drop a few lbs., and look amazing. At this point in my life, I typically just laugh at the situation (in between dropping to my knees, grabbing my stomach, and cursing the gods). So I made it to work, albeit a few hours late. I think the sickness has run its course. Not nearly as the dueling puking Ian and I faced in Thailand, and not near as bad as Fred, the assassin that attempted to kill me in Nepal. Also, not as bad as Peru (although that was my fault since I willingly drank the vine of the dead).  When in Rome… might as well climb into the gladiator arena. Anyways, I am sweating at work, with less stomach pain, A/C is on high (not helping). I asked a servant for some cereal… and guess what? They microwave it here. So odd. I couldn't imagine nuking my raisin bran. Sidebar, not that bad. Also, they remodeled the kitchen/cafeteria. The majority of the day is occupied by the workers scurrying about. Now… as an aficionado of dangerous smells, that paint is lethal, and they are in there all day! Lucky bastards. I will put another post up when I feel like moving! Until then, your daily dosage of picture.

Filming for the reality show, Clint is an Idiot.

Just the Tip of the Day: I think the wisest adage I ever gave humanity was *puking sound.*

The remnants of July 4th food and the Amazing Aubry... crosses a street

Food coma! I didnt eat dinner, and had an apple and protein bar for lunch because this was the massacre that occurred. We went to an all you can eat buffet for lunch. Which was under $10. Don't tell anyone I snuck a beer. I will hurt you.  Also included the death defying Aubry the Amazing attempting the grandest feat of them all... crossing a street in India. You will all remember our dear friend Ian the Irresistible was wounded attempting a similar feat in Vietnam circa December 2012.  Truly, these great men are amazing. First... the food!

Aubry estimated we had over 10 skewers apiece in addition to the sides and chicken they brought

A brave man indeed

Happy 4th of July!!!

They make you work on the 4th?!?! How Un-American! Oh wait... Im not in Merica... whatever. I am going to have a meat buffet today! (please hold all inappropiate jokes). I made a few pictures for my own celebration since I doubt fireworks, mayhem, and Merica patriotism will abound here. Just think, last year I was sitting on the hooch...

Did you guys hear about the failed Spin-off Dukes of Mumbai??

Trader Vic's... India? Oh Hell Yea!

For those of you not in the realm of accessible knowledge, one of my Dad’s favorite restaurants is Trader Vic’s (now aren’t you kicking yourself for not knowing?). Anyways, this is a restaurant in the ATL at the bottom of the Hilton. Nice drinks, Hawaiian atmosphere, Chinese wood fire grills, you get the idea. On a side note I recommend going there during Dragon-Con because you can  sneak through the restaurant to the hotel elevator and get into the lobby bars which are locked off during this time (spoiler!!). I mean, superheroes, anime, costumes, revealing outfits (for better or for worse)… that’s awesome. Okay back to the story. Trader Vic’s is one of my dad’s favorite restaurants. We usually end up there, alfredo’s, or manuels on special occasions in Atlanta. So I was determined to see World War Z. I took the local train since I am an expert now… except it was a busy day. Now I understand what everyone warned me about. Just like zombies on crack (not the old school ones), before the train even stops, people are jumping off, shoving, whatever. I already mentioned that in another post. I fought my way to the Phoenix Mill Mall. Damn… that’s a nice mall. I’m talking about Phipps if Phipps took the class up a notch. I meandered through the rich and famous of Mumbai in my soaked toe shoes, torn shorts… but hey! a buttoned down collar shirt. You are welcome America for staying classy and representing. I bought my ticket ($6.00 3-d, seat assigned), and turned. What do you think I saw?!?! A Trader Vic’s!!! Okay, it was their mai tai lounge concept, but a win is a win! I went into the theater, got my combo meal ($6 chicken hot dog, tub O’ popcorn, Pepsi, and chips) and saw the movie. First, they play the national anthem before a movie. Odd? But I’m in. Intermission during a chase scene with zombies? Screw you man. Afterwards, I had to make a stop. I sat at the bar and in family tradition at this point, ordered the infamous “Suffering Bastard.” That’s thing packs a punch. I chatted with the bartender about Trader Vic’s in Atlanta as they were curious about prices, drink consistency, etc. Fun Times. Here’s to you Trader Vic’s!! Thank you for making me feel at home!

Just the Tip of the Day: If you are unsure... act ignorant and march forward. 

Whippin out the GoPro

Finally busted out the GoPro! I am slowly but surely mastering the secret photo. The problem I think was I was walking to fast; therefore, most came out blurry. I am becoming obsessed with the local train stations with the open air doors, fans, and sheer thrill. On my way back, the train was crowded (now I understand what everyone was telling me). The fight begins before the train stops, people jumping off, people jumping on, shoving and pushing. I am pretty sure they mean no harm or insult… but man I wanted to deck someone. Thank goodness I am larger than most of the population. Can’t wait for the Big Guy to get here haha. I think the train is even harder for a foreigner though. We are the prime targets for pickpockets, so there is all this fighting… and we have to do it one handed. I kept all my valuables (camera, wallet, etc) in my front pant’s pockets with my hand firmly in the pocket. The other arm was for the pushing and shoving. Hopefully, the camera skills will improve, and I promise video at some point!

Just the Tip of the Day: Apparently, just because some one punches or pushes you doesn't mean they want to fight or cause you harm... interesting.