And then we F*ck them... the tale of Nonprofits and feel good Corporations.. and hashtags

Alright. I’m gonna let you guys in on a secret. Most “good” people are dicks. I know. Cry Foul. “Johnny Counsultant, how you wanna play me like that?” As long as you are making the world a better place, who cares if you get a little slice… said every Financial Advisor ever… and Ponzi scheme dude… and cops taking a little “bang bang” for themselves after a bust. Hey, the kids are at their grandparents and me and the wifey haven’t gotten freaky since ’99… now hand me that blow. Don’t believe me? Just look at the slide below. Don’t worry, it’s the truth, slides don’t lie. Ask Bain.

 But don't you want to help the world? Don't be a bad person.. Gimme your money. It's going to rehabilitate the moon. 

Catch all that? Probably not. Don’t worry. Ill hit you with that smooth consultant speak. Actually I won’t. Most charities are taking your money and f*cking you blind with it. Smooth enough? They use some lube, so just sit back, relax, and pretend I’m pretty.

 Nonprofits.. it's the new Enron... or Wall Street, or whatever it is you people are always bitching about on your Facebook about changing the world while you wait in line at Dunkin Donuts getting fat off empty calories and shame! AND SHAME

So Tom gives a pair of shoes to charity if you buy a pair sweet. Now you get a pair of shit quality shoes, that dude is rich, and some kind in Africa now has shoes… that never wore shoes before, or needed them… or needed other things… like clean water… or the internet… or angry birds. The United Way dude made over a million. Goodwill… not even a charity, it’s a Corporation, for profit. Did I just blow your mind? You are lucky it wasn’t something else… since I Have no idea how to do that, and no desire to learn. So above… I gave you my creation. Diversification for the institutional investor. It’s simple. I get a ton of money from people that need diversification (a different mix of stuff to lower risk morons), and I refinance Bschool kids debt. Good bschools. Like my buddy breezy that has like 60k in debt but graduated with me, he is a consultant too, breezy the consultant. Look it up fact. So 2% instead of 6-9%... yea its awesome sauce. Now non-profit… so we can’t have profit. Cool. I will gift that shit to kids for scholarships… like art degrees, or strippers. Now… I’m running this shiz. I’m expensive. I need at least 250k as a starter salary, and more if this thing goes regional. So we are making the world a better place by lowering loan rates and saving the US economy from the next bubble, investors get diversification through this alternative investment, kids get scholarships, strippers get golden hearts, and I get 250k a year to run it. Also, I need wheels to get to meetings. I assume this is a Maserati. And corporate apartments and retreats. Welcome to Non-profits. We sells you, take your money.. .and then as my good buddies from Jersey say, well… then we f*ck’em. Enjoy. Slides in rather nice. 

I bet it does... I bet it does. So.. who wants to go donate money to charity by buying some Toms, United Way feel good stuff, or some of those mutli colored bracelets highschoolers use to show how many sexual maneuvers they have mastered? oh sorry... that they have tried.