Alright... maybe we will have to do a post once every two weeks since I am a huge loser that doesn't have time. Hey! Pretty blondes and grocery shopping in Delores Park takes time. And you think this hair fixes itself? Geez... You don't have to be a dick about it. Anyways, this post was circulating about the world's hardest job. The issue is that it described mothers. The rub was that you work for free... which you don't. Those kids will one day take care of you, you are fulfilled, and if you are a stay at home mom... you get paid (ie monetary support/stuff) through either a man (or woman on the West Coast) or the government (shame on you! FOR SHAME!). Anyways, I read the description... and its a consultant. There are 27 issues, but let's be honest, you are already about to stop reading, so I am doing 5, or 6, whatever. Penguinds. Let's get this party rocking....
Ability to work overnight, associate needs pending
-I feel like this is any job? Do you have a job where you can say “Not right now Joe. Its my ciggy / coffee / wanking break right now. You do? GO and F yourself. Honestly though, if you have a job where you clock in and out and measure your breaks… I don’t want you job. Im not judging, but yea… kinda am. Not for me.
This is our entire job. Pyscho-analysis of the “stakeholders” and the “kingmakers”, the “champions”, the “oppressors of change”, the “touch points”… we are hired to get in there, get dirty, figure out what people want, give it to them, and if they don’t like it, convince them that they like it. Screw it, if we were drinking Chianti and eating people, we would be the Hannibal lecters of the business world. That’s why most the world hates us, or is scared of us, or wants to love us… pretty sure the last ones have daddy issues though.
Must be able to work 135+ hours a week
-Welcome the the jungle… or
another classic song choice. Boom, Boom, Boom, come back to my room? No? Not
feeling that? Not even a tingle? Really? Alright whatever. Point is that we
sometimes have to work long, arduous hours for great pay that we bitch about.
Sound interested? Better put down the bike tire spoke and go back 10 years and
start learning. Granted we probably aren’t working investment banker hours, but
we are up there. This much is true. I hear enough people complaining about it.
It has to be true. Just cause I’m not doesn’t mean that someone else isn’t. The
same could be said for your wife/girlfriend/husband/boyfriend. I would put
mistress or boy toy, but I am assuming you are hitting that.
Some people work hard and play hard.. I say why not combine?!? Of course the ATL and DC office stares at me when I am in town with my vest, hemp bracelet, hipstar (damn right hipstar) framed glasses, and miley cyrus haircut... Not even a blink in SF. Gotta love the west coast. Fur Sure.
Ability to work overnight, associate needs pending
-I have worked overnight
here and there. Not constantly, but it happens. It’s not that bad. Means I get
to sleep in the next day to the woman I love…. Also known as my body pillow…
her name is Lucy. As a single person (read no children), this is fine. I can
make my sleep up. This is the same as college minus the alcohol, sex, heavy
narcotics, death metal, and guy dressed as a Panda jerking off in the corner.
Willingness to forgo any breaks
-I feel like this is any job? Do you have a job where you can say “Not right now Joe. Its my ciggy / coffee / wanking break right now. You do? GO and F yourself. Honestly though, if you have a job where you clock in and out and measure your breaks… I don’t want you job. Im not judging, but yea… kinda am. Not for me.
Work mostly standing up and/or bending down
I will work in whatever
position you tell me. We have ergomatic chairs and $hit, treadmill desk
stations, crap conference rooms, planes, trains, cars (that’s dangerous)… we
are the Kamasutra of working conditions B!tch. Recognize the greatness… and buy
me a massage. No not that one… one from the creepy place. Mmmm…
Creepy Cat massages are the best. I'm just as furry.. and I can pur if you would like. Please?
Must be able to lift up to 75 lbs. on a regular
basis
I don’t know if it is
required… but I can. I pick up my girlfriend and she weighs more than that. I’m
pretty sure if I keep complaining I am going to give her a complex. But
complexes are good. Ask Ruby Ridge.
Ph.D. in psychology or real-life equivalent
This is our entire job. Pyscho-analysis of the “stakeholders” and the “kingmakers”, the “champions”, the “oppressors of change”, the “touch points”… we are hired to get in there, get dirty, figure out what people want, give it to them, and if they don’t like it, convince them that they like it. Screw it, if we were drinking Chianti and eating people, we would be the Hannibal lecters of the business world. That’s why most the world hates us, or is scared of us, or wants to love us… pretty sure the last ones have daddy issues though.
And if you don't listen to my psyschobabble bullshit... well, I have other measures. or if you live in Charlotte, I won't even try the talking. Just the burying
